Finally

Today I took my last final of the fall semester. It was one of the biggest moments of relief I have ever felt when I walked out of that classroom. It's amazing how good you feel about yourself when you know you've worked really hard to be where you are and how wonderful it is that you're actually prepared for something (a math test, in my case). My first two semesters at Auburn were, in a word, hellish. I was struggling really hard with being away from my family for the first time, sticking to a schedule, studying for classes that were much harder than I had ever imagined, and battling my constant companions depression and anxiety.

There were days that I woke up and couldn't even fathom getting myself out of bed, brushing my teeth, filling my book-bag, and heading to class. And you know what? Some days I didn't. And some days, even when I wasn't extremely tired or sad, I would get so scared to just leave my dorm room, knowing that when I left I wouldn't have any friends to meet up with for coffee, or to study with, or walk to class with.

Then there were the days that I was purely lazy. I didn't feel like doing functions for trigonometry, or writing that essay for history. I wanted to watch Gossip Girl and eat microwave macaroni and lay in bed and read a good book. I was lazy, unmotivated, and just plain irresponsible. And guess what? My grades showed it. Being put on Academic Warning after my first semester should've been a hell of a wake-up call, but after being threatened with suspension unless I dropped two grades, I really woke up to the reality of something I should've known before I even came to Auburn.

No one is going to drag you kicking and screaming through college. No one is going to wake you up and make you go to that 8 a.m. class. No one is going to make you food that doesn't make your stomach hurt and your head ache. No one is going to make you do those functions or that essay or those voice boards for French. You have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and force yourself to do things you don't want to do in order to ensure a successful future for yourself. Not for anyone else.

This semester, I did every single homework assignment, wrote every single essay weeks before it was due, read every little piece of articles and textbooks and assigned readings that I was supposed to, went to almost every class (barring sick days, which were excused), did every extra credit assignment, and made myself home-cooked meals, took charge of my personal hygiene, and found outlets for stress and anxiety. I pushed myself through and I made it through finals with an overall 3.4 semester GPA. I am extremely proud of myself. I reserve the right to brag on myself, because I beat my laziness and my anxiety and depression, I found the major that is right for me, and I feel so much better about life in general.

My advice? Learn sooner rather than later that you are capable of much more than you know, you only have to be diligent and manage your time well. Hard work really does pay off. Take study breaks, have a fun social life, but always make sure that your priorities are in order and that you don't squander the opportunity for a wonderful education. I am so thankful that I finally learned this, and that I'm FINALLY DONE WITH FINALS.

xoxo